And so the journey goes
It is month two in my search to become a flight attendant once again. It is hard to not lose hope as I am faced with dejection and also with the long waiting in responses to applications. While it appears everything in my life is good and peaceful, as it should feel as well, I feel very trapped in a cycle of hoping and not knowing.
I want this job, with almost all my heart. I say almost because I don't think you can really want something with all your heart besides God or at least I think that. Since I left my last airline job, I had quietly been longing for it again and full on when I was invited to a face to face interview with a major airline, did my passion for flying spark again.
I initially left because I had made some mistakes and was running from them and partially because I was lonely and thought that job was the cause root of it. But my loneliness follows me where ever I go and I think I just may have to make acquaintance with it because it seems rooted in my life. I'm only 21 but flying is like no other job I've had. I didn't do it just for the flight benefits and the excitement of an ever-changing schedule. Sure those I loved, but I also loved my passengers. They were my 70 something group of people I was given responsibility over to make sure they made it to their destination. I wanted them to have a wonderful flight and I didn't want to be another grouchy, overly tired flight attendant they had imprinted in their brain from the last flight. I was passionate about my work and representing my company and myself to the greatest and fullest extent. I didn't want my passengers to feel that they were just another face that I saw throughout my day, I wanted them to been seen and cared for individually. Of course I was no saint but my intentions were honest.
I think of these things alot and I am so impatient with the desire to go and fly again. I am becoming impatient of my daily life, the daily routine, the wondering how much longer I will be doing this again. I am happy that I am hoping because it means I am still looking forward but it also gives me the greatest heartache and anxiety because I am not where I want to be.
I am a daydreamer and I have to remind myself to live in the present now because soon I will be looking back on these days and wishing I had appreciated them more. The stillness, the family time, the peacefulness and assurity of being at home.
I can go on forever saying how I feel and it doesn't change much but I am hoping onto God that He will bless me, reveal His plans for me because all I can do is go where my heart says to go and wait on Him that that is His way.
So here I go. I feel as I am not moving at all, stuck, but I know this is apart of the plan. A chapter in a book full of chapters. I'm nearly at the end, I hope. To onward. To never losing hope but relishing in the events to come.
I want this job, with almost all my heart. I say almost because I don't think you can really want something with all your heart besides God or at least I think that. Since I left my last airline job, I had quietly been longing for it again and full on when I was invited to a face to face interview with a major airline, did my passion for flying spark again.
I initially left because I had made some mistakes and was running from them and partially because I was lonely and thought that job was the cause root of it. But my loneliness follows me where ever I go and I think I just may have to make acquaintance with it because it seems rooted in my life. I'm only 21 but flying is like no other job I've had. I didn't do it just for the flight benefits and the excitement of an ever-changing schedule. Sure those I loved, but I also loved my passengers. They were my 70 something group of people I was given responsibility over to make sure they made it to their destination. I wanted them to have a wonderful flight and I didn't want to be another grouchy, overly tired flight attendant they had imprinted in their brain from the last flight. I was passionate about my work and representing my company and myself to the greatest and fullest extent. I didn't want my passengers to feel that they were just another face that I saw throughout my day, I wanted them to been seen and cared for individually. Of course I was no saint but my intentions were honest.
I think of these things alot and I am so impatient with the desire to go and fly again. I am becoming impatient of my daily life, the daily routine, the wondering how much longer I will be doing this again. I am happy that I am hoping because it means I am still looking forward but it also gives me the greatest heartache and anxiety because I am not where I want to be.
I am a daydreamer and I have to remind myself to live in the present now because soon I will be looking back on these days and wishing I had appreciated them more. The stillness, the family time, the peacefulness and assurity of being at home.
I can go on forever saying how I feel and it doesn't change much but I am hoping onto God that He will bless me, reveal His plans for me because all I can do is go where my heart says to go and wait on Him that that is His way.
So here I go. I feel as I am not moving at all, stuck, but I know this is apart of the plan. A chapter in a book full of chapters. I'm nearly at the end, I hope. To onward. To never losing hope but relishing in the events to come.
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